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Although not strictly a joke, this clip is hliarious especially the last sequence.
Please note no offence is meant

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_SXNAtwYMBw

Colly - 27 October 2009 11:31 AM

Although not strictly a joke, this clip is hliarious especially the last sequence.
Please note no offence is meant

Well they say practice makes perfect!!

Colly - 27 October 2009 11:31 AM

Please note no offence is meant

Who were u thinking of offending mate… these are all very reasonable roles for women!!!

Raj - 27 October 2009 09:11 PM

... these are all very reasonable roles for women!!!

I do fear for your wellbeing at the next party after that comment

Colly - 27 October 2009 10:13 PM

Raj - 27 October 2009 09:11 PM

... these are all very reasonable roles for women!!!

I do fear for your wellbeing at the next party after that comment

Yes.. expect punishment from the Sunday School teachers !!!! (see Cleo’s thread…)

Raj - is this part of your cunning plan to be first in detention

Its part of my cunning plan to be the first in the cunnilingus class! Or is cunnilingus a new irish airline?

Cunnilingus: airline formed by merger of Aer Lingus and Ryanair. Aer Lingus brought the Lingus bit to the deal, and Ryanair brought the ....  

Raj - 27 October 2009 09:11 PM

Colly - 27 October 2009 11:31 AM

Please note no offence is meant

Who were u thinking of offending mate… these are all very reasonable roles for women!!!

My god Em is going to string you up!! - On second thoughts you might enjoy it!!

Ben has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him. He takes her to a nice restaurant, buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine and on the way home he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot. They start kissing and he’s getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she’s a virgin and wants to stay that way.

“Well, OK,” he says, “how about a blow job?”
“No way!” she says. “I’m not putting that thing in my mouth!”
He says, “Well then, how about a hand job?”
“I’ve never done that,” she says. “What do I have to do?”
“Well,” he answers, “remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?”
She nods.
“Well, it’s just like that.”
So he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts working on it. A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close, snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ears and he screams out in pain.
“What’s wrong ? !” she cries.

“TAKE YOUR THUMB OFF OF THE BLOODY END!!!!!!”

trysomemore - 28 October 2009 10:48 AM

Raj - 27 October 2009 09:11 PM

Colly - 27 October 2009 11:31 AM

Please note no offence is meant

Who were u thinking of offending mate… these are all very reasonable roles for women!!!

My god Em is going to string you up!! - On second thoughts you might enjoy it!!

Or maybe he’s looking to be tied up on the swing with Jewels and Lara

Maybe we should have a LMP Driving School as well…

http://www.efukt.com/20573_LOL_I_Ejaculated_On_You.html

Bill worked in a pickle factory. 
He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day
to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. 
He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. 
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed.  He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
‘What’s wrong, Bill?’ she asked.
‘Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?’
‘Oh, Bill, you didn’t’ she exclaimed.
‘Yes, I did.’ he replied.

‘My God, Bill, what happened?’

‘I got fired.’
‘No, Bill.  I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?’
‘Oh…she got fired too

A couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, ‘Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.’
‘I know,’ the old man said.  ‘We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.’
‘Well,’ Granny snickered.  ‘Let’s relive some old times.’
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
‘You know, honey,’ the little old lady breathlessly replied, ‘My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.’
‘I wouldn’t be surprised,’ replied Gramps.  ‘One’s in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal

Brains

————————————————————————————————————————
A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

“Mom,” he asked, “are these my brains?”

“Not yet,” she replied.

Learning to talk…

————————————————————————————————————————
A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk!

“You need to use ‘Big People’ words,” she was always reminding them.

She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend?

“I went to visit my Nana.”

“No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use ‘Big People’ words!

She then asked Mitchell what he had done.

“I took a ride on a choo-choo.”

She said “No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use ‘Big People’ words.”

She then asked little Liam what he had done?

“I read a book,” he replied.

“That’s WONDERFUL!” the teacher said. “What book did you read?”

Liam thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said, “Winnie the SHIT.”