As a well known tabloid newspaper would headline !

Unfortunately was unable to make use of the great double party offer, as already had a work client event to go to…. why does work always get in the way of fun !!, hence only rocked up for the evening party only.

Girls doing their bit for Englands World Cup cause were Jewells (hey like the schoolgirl look kit), Amanda, Lexi, Jessica, Chanelle, Danielle, and Renata. On what was probably thre hottest day of the year so far, it wasn’t much cooler downstairs either in more ways than one.

Got to party with 5 of the 7 girls, starting off with Danielle, who was in great and mischevious form last night. Despite my best efforts of self-restraint, there was no holding back and after 15 min of hot action she and me got our just reward. Special mention must me made of Lexi today, who i thought looked even more stunning than normal with her new straight hair….. please don’t change it, we all thought it looked great !. For fear of being slapped, bitten, abused etc from Jessica as per normal i did not get to party with her this time, but as i keep telling her revenge will be sweet one day ! ha ha. Finished the party with another good work-out with Amanda (how does she get into some of those positions ???) and then had to retire for a long soak under a cold shower as it was so hot. Realised just how hot it was when last night twice woke up with cramp in both legs (suppose it beats getting it at the party per normal!).

Great to see BG briefly, and as always a pleasure to see Dutch Michael also sneeking over to thr UK for some fun. Thanks to all the girls, Em, Chris et al….

Another hot LMP party…. Colly has got asbestos skin!

As the german admirals said after Jutland, I may have survived the double, I may even have won the battle, but I’m not sure it would be safe to repeat the experience. Apologies in advance to anyone of a nervous or religious disposition

I shouldn’t have been there. Since my last party I had found religion. But I was booked in so the honourable course was to go along, pass among the ladies and persuade them of the error of their ways.This would redeem my sins and make me very popular

I ran into Renata. Hardly recognised her with her clothes on, plus she’d been back to Brazil to get her hair done, but the adorable smile as she recalled our previous play was unmistakable. Lingered to watch that sexy rear climb the stairs. Nonetheless I was determined to continue my mission

I was greatly encouraged at first. Amanda, who had apparently come all the way from Russia to attempt evil deeds upon my person, seemed only too willing to kneel in prayer and kiss my saintly relics

Then everything went downhill. The devil himself leapt out of the worm-hole to hell and took possession of my vitals. Always wondered what was in that mysterious cupboard behind the swing. Exorcism does not seem to be a priority at LMP. I prayed for a sign. The miracle came in the form of a medium sized oak tree growing from my loins

Amanda had seen it all before. In seconds her tongue had stripped the branches, de-barked the trunk, carved it into a vuvuzela and given it a polish I could see my face in. After a virtuoso performance on the instrument I felt I could not take any more without bursting into applause. Being one of nature’s gentlemen (or damn fool depending on your point of view), I warned her of the coming festivities. She seemed reluctant to swallow and become pregnant by a man of the cloth (No arguments - I know my biology) so there was no alternative but to allow her to know me biblically. She took me in a sort of cowgirl come half-nelson much favoured by mating frogs I believe. This prevented any possibility of escape before she’d had her wicked way. I had a ball as this incredibly sexy creature impaled herself and attempted to commit ritual suicide. Fortunately my pork sword proved too blunt an instrument and she had to be content with a violent, mutual but non fatal (just) explosion

The vuvuzela played just that one tune during the entire four hours of sex. Martin would have been proud of me. ( just 53 seconds downtime when I nipped upstairs for a banana)

After that it’s a blur with the imaginary “conveyor” delivering one perfectly formed derriere after another on a wide rubber belt. Don’t get me started on that particular fetish

Some hi-lites break through the fog. Shagging Renata in doggy I felt like a King. Then I looked down the line. The gentlemen faded and it seemed I was a man with 3 dicks taking them all. Sex with Renata can do that to you. I felt like Nelson raking the French fleet from stem to stern. Where else can you go for brain melting, ball breaking sex and re-enact the Battle of the Nile at the same time?

I played with Chanelle. Sucking & playing with her gorgeous tits as that superb body slithers along my shaft does something to me. By the time I asked for Chanelle Cowgirl No 5 (Geddit?) she was feeling the heat and a discussion ensued as to why men were such selfish creatures expecting women to do all the work. I thought I was in for FWE (Full wife experience), forgetting for a moment that this was not just a girl but an LMP girl. She was climbing on at the time, giving me a right seeing to combined with a lovely feel of my balls. A couple of minutes later I did the decent thing and we flipped over. Not entirely altruistic as I could now watch myself in the mirror doggying this fantasy in human form. Later, the mirror was redundant as I could see myself in the sweat on her back. The CD player stuck on a rhythmic but fast and furious ditty. Sex followed the beat & ended in glorious mutual exhaustion when someone took pity and gave it a thump

Lexi was a thrill. I tried to cure her hay fever with an overdose of medicinal sex. She was still sneezing at the second party so I just kept trying

I know I played with everyone because I complained to Em that the trainspotter in me could not get a full set as Danielle was not around. Turns out she’d been playing the same game of musical beds and had not yet bumped into me. She came sashaying down the stairs looking like a highly fuckable million dollars. I was led off to the slaughter in the back room where we did bump into each other a few times. I shall never forget the deep joy of mish with her legs over my shoulders. The expression “sex on legs” must have been invented to describe Danielle. Em noticed that we were in a 121 and went searching for any newbies that might be hiding away from the action. She came back with a very nice young man who was required to sacrifice himself in a wobbly H. In the end the oral half of the roast was not enough for him but I was not yet ready to relinquish my pole position at the southern end. We spent some time very politely negotiating the timing of the swap. The body language reminded us that a woman of Danielle’s calibre isn’t used to men behaving as though she’s not there but the wonderful sex never faltered and we all had a good laugh about it. What a sport! In the end I reluctantly made way for others, pleading that I needed a rest. In fact I was back in action within seconds with Jessica

During the moresomes, Jessica was constantly asking if I was OK. She wasn’t yet used to the whimpering & bellowing when I’m having my dry orgasms. At one point she was so worried she leapt up and threatened to turn the lights on if someone didn’t stop torturing my tackle and Jewels did not withdraw the magic finger from my prostate and points north. I forbade Jess on pain of death to do any such thing. That bought us time but all good things must end and the party was over.

Everyone was watching some red and white people running about on a lawn and kicking a ball around for no apparent reason. There were lots of vuvuzelas going off so I guess it was a mass porn event. Did little for me but I passed the hour fantasising about the contents of one player’s panties (No 69 – you had to be there to understand). It’s OK, they were red. White would have been too perverse

The second party is a blank but I can remember the delicious start with Jewels and the memorable finale. In between I was less mobile due to jellification of the legs but most of the girls I didn’t reach found their way to me at some point. Superstuds like me must expect to work hard when Em puts on a do! At any rate, Sir Jasper was fully employed

Earlier fun & games with Jewels had been of an exotic nature and we had forgotten to actually fuck each other. This was put right with gusto in the opening minutes of the 2nd half. The first time I’ve fancied a girl who keeps her socks on in bed. Again, you had to be there

Em announced she had a surprise for me in the back room. An eighth girl as a sort of loyalty bonus. As soon as I could decently retreat from a prior engagement with Lexi, I left some other lucky guy to continue her rigorous hay fever treatment and followed Em to my fate.

Imagine my delight when I beheld the gorgeous, bubbly, effervescent, downright edible Raffiella. We were beaming from ear to ear, kissing like old flames and hugging the stuffing out of each other. Either she’s the best actress on the planet or she’s just as keen on me as I am on her. The chap who was chupping away didn’t quite know what to make of it and moved off in search of less distracted prey. Sorry about that. Before moving off Em rewarded herself with a congratulatory tweak of my nipple. I jumped a mile at the shock of such an unexpected honour. Forbidden fruit can be so sweet. But then so is Raff so I made an absolute pig of myself consuming every square inch of her. Broke my heart to leave her but needs must. So many women, so little time

I won’t bore you with a repeat of the 1st half narrative. Suffice it to say it was far from boring at the time. Let’s just cut to the final act

With 20 minutes to go I heard Jewels cackling away like a mad woman. When I looked down she was playing a game of tennis with a flexible racquet. Oh the shame of it. Mr Floppy! She called Jessica to help with this strange object. I don’t suppose they have ever seen a semi before. In four expert hands he was soon sorted. Jewels continued to look after my now iron hard rod (Thank God!) and other equipment while Jess performed her infamous Heineken Manoeuvre that massages parts other fingers cannot reach

Who should slink in now but Raff. I love it when we get to the point where other punters are being carried upstairs in boxes or are hiding in the showers hoping to escape a fate worse that death

So, 15 minutes with Raff on cock, Jewels on balls and Jess up to her elbow it seemed, with no thought at all as to my safety – just their own animal lust and a determination to get another pop at any cost. Did you know the LMP training video for anal play is an old episode of   “All Creatures” where he has his arm up some long suffering beast’s hindquarters. Jessica is not nearly as gentle as James Herriott. I may have a punctured lung. Well worth it though!

This treatment induces in me a kind of dry orgasm where I’m shaking so violently that I levitate & hover about three inches above the bed. This went on and on and on right to the end. Luvly Jubbly!!! You multi-popping types don’t know what you’re missing

The finishing touch was a fantasy role-play. At first I was too far gone to take it in. It didn’t seem to matter what Raff was saying. That unbelievably sexy accent covered my cock & balls with warm honey which was then greedily licked off. I much prefer honey to the standard orange peel jam supplied by the house

When I did get into the story it consisted of a series of phone calls from girlfriends and mistresses informing me they were upstairs ready and begging for phone sex to tide them over. The Marmelettes would each stuff part of my anatomy in their mouths whenever the phone rang so that my heavy breathing, yelps,grunts and moans were suitably enhanced for the GF’s benefit but the usual Marmaladian squeals of delight were muffled so as not to alert Naomi C, or whoever, to the extra-curricular naughties. A certain diminutive noblewoman took no active part but clearly got a kick out of orchestrating the thing

Raff promised that by next time the scenario would be much improved and rehearsed. So some lucky beggar’s in for a treat next week. But after a double fuckfest, how the heck are we supposed to find the strength to shag all these other women on the way home?

All I could manage was a quick trip to Harley Street to have the permanent smirk removed

Many thanks to all concerned who made such a wing-ding possible.

If you’ve bothered to read this far you are as addicted as I am so see you there folks

excellent stuff, mick. Had me rolling in the aisles and there wasn’t a dry seat in the house!

keep it up….

Supurb stuff - and I love the way you play the reluctant martyr…..I too experienced the “dry” climax with Jasmine recently - so much so that I actually passed out for several manly seconds as the pleasure was just too much to bear…....appaerantly its all to do with tantric sex and something called (rather worringly) as prostrate milking…..not sure if that’s semi-skimmed or not…...blimey…...

WOW fab review, like martin said its like reading an erotic novel…....love it!!

xx

stevieb - 27 June 2010 05:01 AM

Supurb stuff - and I love the way you play the reluctant martyr…..I too experienced the “dry” climax with Jasmine recently - so much so that I actually passed out for several manly seconds as the pleasure was just too much to bear…....appaerantly its all to do with tantric sex and something called (rather worringly) as prostrate milking…..not sure if that’s semi-skimmed or not…...blimey…...

Funny you should say that Stevie. I too may have passed out. I have a large mystery bruise and someone appears to have attempted open-heart massage. Then there’s the dream sequence:....

I was paddling a canoe up the Amazon when I spotted a bevy of scantily clad lovelies lined up on chairs. They seemed in some distress, six starved or something like that, so reluctantly I interrupted my progress to render what assistance I could. This turned out to be the act of a martyr. It was quite pleasurable at first but then it became obvious that the second bout of tsm’s “wet relief” would never come. I tried to cry “r*pe” but apparently this is portuguese slang for “roger me senseless”. I was subjected to an endless stream of perverse sexual acts previously unknown in any civilised society. This they called “Bonga”

Every hour on the hour the ringleader asked if I wished to continue or be put out of my misery. Eventually the survival instinct gave way to the wish for relief from this torment and desire for peaceful oblivion.

But was it a dream or wasn’t it? I distinctly heard Em’s voice screaming “Death by Bonga”

“Prostrate milking” - that’s where the girl lies on her back while you suck her port and starboard tits, right? Nice, but I prefer prostate milking myself. I’m pretty sure that at LMP it would be the full fat real Mc Coy but can’t confirm it as in my case the tantric thing goes all the way thru to lighting up time. I intend to devote considerable research into how to induce wet relief at exactly 1 hour 59 minutes and 59 seconds!

Working on the next novel but I fear we’re talking about a long recovery period.

Next time I’m feeling suicidal I might book in for a triple with the Marmalettes. I’d feel much more at home at the bottom of the Serpentine than some lake in Switzerland.

Whatever your taking…...can I have some? - The Stuart Hall of LMP…..

Great reports MIck1515, thanks for having one for me, I hope it was a good one.

PierreX - 29 June 2010 12:15 AM

Great reports MIck1515, thanks for having one for me, I hope it was a good one.

Hi Pierre

Did you hear a distant sneeze about half past four? That was Lexi’s hay fever. You had a great time. Amazing how a really violent sneeze can ripple thru the entire body, not to mention any attached body.

I didn’t hear the sneeze but my hayfever was playing up too, so there must have been some connection there!

I’m pleased we had a good time.

leclerq - 27 June 2010 04:27 AM

excellent stuff, mick. Had me rolling in the aisles and there wasn’t a dry seat in the house!

keep it up….

Sorry about the delay monsieur but I only do my agony uncle column on Thursdays. Do not despair. Incontinence is not a problem, it’s an opportunity. Think of all the fun you could have with the pads, doing the adult baby thing. Always wondered how the celery got wet!

Just don’t expect me to change yer nappy mate

Give Yvette one for me

Thank you mick for your advice, but you should know by now that Leclerq only pisses doors, not pints!!

He shall certainly be flailing young Yvette in the broom cupboard with his little tank, quite soon now

Unpampered.

Dryly

lq

leclerq - 02 July 2010 12:05 AM

Thank you mick for your advice, but you should know by now that Leclerq only pisses doors, not pints!!

He shall certainly be flailing young Yvette in the broom cupboard with his little tank, quite soon now

Unpampered.

Dryly

lq

Ok Monsieur l, I deserved to have the p taken but the little tank reference was particularly wounding especially now that Martin has gone multi.

“pisses doors” 

trysomemore - 04 July 2010 06:56 AM

Mick1515 - 03 July 2010 07:02 PM

especially now that Martin has gone multi.

What’s that - Multivitamin (like Sanatogen!!)

More like Philosan.  Sorry Martin.